So we got scared...

We are still in LA this winter holiday season. All this talk of orange alert and planes hitting new targets brought us back to 9/11/01. We felt protective of our new son. We thought staying put would be better than flying and worrying about the flight over then worrying about the flight back and having every conversation revert back to that thought and decision. We feel terrible, family and friends, that we have to think this way. We feel awful about being shell-shocked. Worst of all, we hate having to take the government's word when we know they've been lying about so much else.

On a lighter note we've been having a lovely few days. On the 24th we went out to a cool hotel bar with friends Henry & Jessica and Matthew & Anna and then to delicious Persian food. Ahmed and Raquel and we had a lovely dinner on the 25th and hung out all night playing video games and watching Happy Accidents. We went out to the beach yesterday and watched some surfers and a seal in the ocean. We had a nice Kwanzaa celebration the other night with our downstairs neighbors, Clifford and Gloria, and met a bunch of their family and friends. It might be my first non-Best family Kwanzaa celebration.

We've been having a great time thinking how beautiful and interesting our little son will be. He's moving a lot more now but hasn't been doing the kicking as of yet. Once in a while he'll give me a little pound from inside the old uterine wall there, but nothing that hurts or disturbs my sleep.

Well, that's the update folks. Aram wants to be sure I let y'all know he said hi. So, hi from Aram. Happy New Year. May 2004 be even more fun than 2003.

For all of you who said girl...

...you were wrong. We are having a fabulously beautiful baby boy come May!

t r u t h o u t - Coffee, Tea or Handcuffs?

t r u t h o u t - Coffee, Tea or Handcuffs? Please read this article and be careful when you travel.

Today's the day

Well, today is the possible moment of truth. The ultrasound may prove to be a grueling process. I have been instructed not to relieve myself for 3 hours prior to the appointment. However, I must also drink a quart and a half of water an hour and half before the appointment. I will be doing "the dance", folks. Super discomfort. The appointment is at 3:45 PST. I will make a post shortly thereafter.

Gender Poll

Well, everyone, it looks like the chances are still 50/50 according to you all. We find out tomorrow afternoon, if the baby permits.

My new concern is whether or not we should take the trip back to NY on Saturday. (I will note that while typing that last sentence, I inadvertently typed both "no" and "om" before I got to the word "on".) This Orange Alert biz has got us all nervous and concerned that this time they'll use another plane to destroy something in our hometown. I am also aware of the steady stream of misinformation given to us by the rich -- I mean by the White House. I plan on meditating further on this difficult decision. Any premontions or words of wisdom are welcome.

My gut tells me we'll be okay but that Aram will be panicking the entire time. :)

Seriously though. If anyone knows what an orange alert really means, please tell.

From our good friend Mark

Oh, how we miss Mark and family!!! I hope we can play some jazz when we come to visit.

We thought, with the first pregnancy, that it would be important to be ready for a boy or girl. So we found out: boy. Oy, to grapple with whether I'd have to start following major sports! Walk through ice and snow! Be a guy's guy! And Rachel: no one who would wear cute little froo froo dresses! It seemed important.

Zev was born. A miracle unto himself. Healthy, and a blessing. Turns out, we're pretty good at being a mom and dad, regardless.

We didn't find out the second time. Turns out, he's a boy too, and Liam is healthy, and a blessing.

B'sha'a tovah (in its good time)!

Very truly yours,

Mark S. Kaufman

Insight from Rachel

My two cents:

The best reason to find out is if you can’t stand to wait. The best reason to wait is if you feel like waiting.

As for escaping gender stereotypes. Actual behavior is the easy part. I can confirm that I have a son who loves to play with baby dolls, and wear dress up shoes and carry a purse, as well as to play with blocks, trucks, and dinosaurs. But trying to find non gender-specific clothing is close to impossible unless you sew it yourself. EVERYTHING after the infant clothes is either pink and flowered or navy blue. Boy’s clothing is way boring, but anything non-boy’s is so girly that unless you want your offspring to be a sociological experiment you really ought to steer clear.

And everyone’s right about the lameness of the labor rationale. When you reach that point in labor where you’ve decided you don’t want to give birth after all and its just time to pack up and go home, it was all a big mistake, well – tough shit. The baby’s coming out whether you like it or not. And so you will continue to give birth, regardless of whether you know it’s a boy or girl.

Looking forward to finding out who the cuz’ will be, now or later,

Rachel Hope

Baby Gender Poll

Triple Marker Test

Today I took a blood test called the triple marker screening test. It is taken to see if the baby might have some birth defects like down syndrome or something like that. I think it'll be alright.

We met a great doctor today. He was very calm and reasonable and gave us good advice on prenatal classes. The Bradley Method and Lamaze Method seem a little excessive. I think some good yoga should be fine. And maybe some drugs.

Anyway, that's it for today. Seeing Return of the King tonight. I will be taking bets as to the gender of the baby. I'm too impatient to wait until May. If the baby allows, I'm finding out next week.

From Mariam

Mariam is spending a few years in Kazakhstan fighting for democracy. I miss her terribly.

She has some thoughts on the baby gender issue.

love your blog! write more.

tell baby i say hi.

and my two cents -- don't find out the sex. it
doesn't matter. it'll be cool to find out on
birth day. do it the way people used to. they
knew better.

miss you,
m

My horoscope

I know that horoscopes are sometimes malarky, but this one seems to be en pointe. I have had a hormone surge which makes PMS look like a giggle fit.

Today is not a day to stay inside and sulk, DUNIA, so put the past behind you and move on. Grab opportunities with both hands and kick your engine into high gear. Stop looking at the things behind you and focus on the wide-open horizon in front of you. Today is an excellent day to turn up the stove and start brewing some new adventures. Transform your life into an action movie with you playing the starring role.

Angela Bofill

The Official Website Of Angela Bofill

By the way, anyone who has never listened to the debut release of Angela Bofill, entitled "Angie", is really missing out on a great piece of music. It puts me in the best mood. If you have it, I suggest putting it on right now.

Thank you everybody

This is so awesome to be able to open up the forum like this. I am leaning toward knowing the gender. You all have to promise me to leave out any sports or gardening-related gear or presents (at least until the baby can walk), as well as any pink or pale blue clothing of any sort, regardless. I am hoping that my girl will play with trucks and dirt or my boy will be into fashion and baby dolls. And makeup.

Just kidding.

All I'm saying is that I intend to try to leave social gender stereotypes out, no matter what. And it will be a fabulous baby, because look at our family!!!!

The crib and changing table/dresser arrive today. I guess we are officially nesting and preparing for our new roommate. The belly is increasing in size and the tumbling is becoming more pronounced.

...and from my high school friend Michelle (Sheli)

Whom I haven't seen in eons!!!!! She gives some good thoughts too.

My friends,
I thought that I wanted to be surprised, but Stephen's feeling on that was that there are enough surprises ahead -- he liked the idea of having one more piece of information early on, even though it really doesn't matter.

I found that knowing Ian's gender beforehand helped me to forge a deeper connection with him, just because the question of gender was out of the way. I referred to him as "my son," said "he" instead of "it," and found myself doing a lot of specailized reading on the unique relationship between mothers and sons.

I was also, to be absolutely honest, a little bummed at first that I was not having a daughter because I was sure I would have a problem relating to a boy. What silliness -- he's a baby, and I relate to him because he's mine. But I can't help but wonder how it would have affected the bonding process if I had been surprised to find that I had a son.

As for names, we didn't decide on a name until two days before Ian was born, and even then we checked with each other when we actually saw his little face. Even once Ian was here, some people bought girly clothes without realizing what they were doing -- a little yellow tennis suit with flowers on it, for my bruiser? I think not. I asked everyone to keep colors neutral before the shower, but I got slammed with blue anyway. It doesn't matter.

Do what you feel is right. You'll know eventually, but I vote for having one more question answered as early as possible.Michelle

From Mahmondylla

Dunia,
It really doesn't matter when you find out.
Follow your instincts.
I agree with Masha in that you'll be surprised whenever you find out.
Here's one of my stories (which you've heard at least 12 thousand times,
but, for the sake of this blogŠ)
It was 1973. I was in the sixth month of my second pregnancy. The doctor,
during a routine examination, became concerned and a bit alarmed at the rate
at which my abdomen was growing. He asked if I had a history of diabetes in
my family. I answered "yes". His eyes widened. He began to pace
nervously. "Your baby seems very large. Diabetics often have large babies"
A blood test showed no signs of diabetes. He tried to be calm as he asked
"do you have a car?" I could tell he didn't want to alarm us. "Yes" we
answered. Meet me at the hospital. We did. He lead us to the X-ray
department, took a picture (dangerous I know but what can you do?) (In
those days x-rays were used ultra sound had not been invented (as far as I
know). He came rushing out grinning. "You're having twins". We were
surprised. Shocked, speechless. We were able to prepare for the 2 new
additions emotionally and physically as best we could. I was glad we knew.
When they were born, we were surprised at knowing their sexes. If I had had
presence of mind to ask, and if it were possible, I would have found out
their sexes the day of the x-ray. And I would have asked to see the film.
Love,
Mommy

From Masha...

Other good advice from Masha

I don't like having to say that my mother is wrong, but - she's wrong!
Finding out whether you have a boy or a girl is indeed a wonderful surprise,
but it's equally surprising whenever you find out. And it will still be a
thrill to see the actual, real live baby. I can't imagine the thrill would
be any less if you already knew its sex.

I do agree with my mother that the arguments about mid-labor leverage and
baby presents are trivial. Also, you can't really decide on a name until you
look at the baby and see whether the name you had in mind fits. Basically,
the only guideline here is: do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Love,

Masha

From Nancy Zager...

Some good advice from one of the great-grandparents...

Dunia, don't do it! So you'll know a little later, but you'll know for
the rest of your life - so what's the rush?

Actually, there's a very good reason not to know in advance, and that
is that one of the great moments in life is when the doctor say to you
"You have a boy" or "It's a girl". Don't do yourself out of that.

As far as mid-labor -- don't be silly: you're there, and there's
nothing that's going to get you through but getting through. Knowing
what the baby is in advance is not worth giving up the excitement of
finding out at the end of your ordeal. (And I hope it is not an ordeal
- it needn't be.)

Gender specific presents -- no one buys presents until after the baby
is born, so you don't have to know and you don't have to tell anyone
ahead of time. And if, God forbid, someone sends a dress when you have
had a boy, you either return it, or give it to someone who actually has
a girl! Have a good giggle, but in the scheme of things, it's not an
even trade.

No, there is no reason to do yourselves out of that ultimate excitement
of finding out together when you're on the other side of this
adventure. Just don't think of this person as "it". Think of "our baby"
and you're over that hump. You can chew gum while you do the dishes --
so I know you can have two names at the ready! Maybe even more.



N

Gender Dilemma

All this time I was thinking I could wait the full 40-something weeks to find out whether this person inside of me is a boy or a girl. On December 23, I get the fancy ultrasound which could tell me the gender. I have been at serious odds with myself on this one.

On the one hand, I am tired of calling this person "it" and would love to give it a "he" or "she" designation and possibly firm up a decision on the name and start thinking of this person as a fully formed being.

On the other hand, there are many women who have told me that not knowing the gender gave them extra leverage in mid-labor when they felt they could go no further. And there's also the issue of gender-specific presents, which may or may not be a good thing.

Please email me with your thoughts on it. I really would appreciate the feedback.